The Unlearning Curve #2 - Fixing Less, Breaking More
Hello friends,
I’ve got the ball rolling on this new project, titled Trying to Fail. After making the video about it over on YouTube, I thought the idea would feel clear. Instead, it crawled around the back of my mind all week like a stray cat that thinks I’m its person now.
I noticed how often I tried to make things be sensible or correct. Even though my goal is to play, I’d catch myself fixing an idea before it had a chance to run off anywhere. I made it more friendly or presentable like an overly strict parent dictating a child’s clothing. I turned it into something that might “work” when shared.
That habit is built on about twenty years of social media use, all the way back to forums in the early 2000s and starting in earnest on MySpace in 2004 or 2005.
It sneaks in early, influencing what I decide to try, how long I give an idea before dropping it, and how much uncertainty I’m willing to allow before wanting to move on.
I kept wanting to smooth things out, to make them look better than they were. It took a lot of work to make myself stop and leave the mess alone.
One example from this week. The first project I chose to start with was 7 self portraits in a week. I added in the rule that something must be falling in each shot.
I spent far too long trying the same photo - dropping a mug onto cushions and trying to catch the exact moment it fell. The handle was already broken, so it felt like the perfect object to sacrifice. But with each attempt, the handle cracked into smaller and smaller pieces. Yet I kept retaking the shot even after I’d captured the fall several times. I was still chasing the “perfect” mistake.
The point of this is to start from failure or silliness. I’m still overthinking, still catching myself trying to tidy up the edges. But filming helps.
Watching back, I can see the doubt creep into my face, and I’m getting better at recognizing the moment I want to bail because it feels uncomfortable. That’s the point where I have to make the conscious choice to leave it messy instead of fixing it.
Trying to fail is not an automatic point of entry. I need to unlearn or release some of my perfectionism to let play really begin.
I’ll be back next week with the finished results of the first project. See you then,
Phil